Monthly Archives: August 2013

Greedy Self Diagnosis Needed

DSM III made psychiatric diagnosis interesting and accessible to the general public. More than a million copies of each edition have been sold -more to ordinary people than to mental health professionals. The widespread appeal of the DSM is in its clear definitions that allow people to make self diagnosis in themselves and family members.. For the most part, this has been a useful contributor to self knowledge and to early identification and treatment. But it can also be overdone and inevitably leads to overdiagnosis in the hands of non-clinicians.

A blog entry by: Psychology Today in June 2010

If more professionals would do their job (maybe even buy and read the book) and spend more time with the less patient, instead of less time with more patients… They would really be able to listen to their patient instead (being a good doc, not the greedy one) writing an Rx or making another overpriced appointment to fill your pockets.

Then MAYBE ordinary people wouldn’t feel the need to go above their head and find out the source them self.
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Confessions

Last night, we had sex.

He’s the one that wanted to have sex. I was feeling dull in that area last night. The past week or two he’s been the one initiating the sex.

Not a big deal, I just been feeling a little odd or off with him. Last night I can tell he was wondering what the fuck, because I distant and it was not really enjoyful to me at all.

I can’t pin point exactly what the problem is… but I have a few clues.

First off, unlike others my needs (or lack of needs) are much different that others.

I’m human, I have needs. BUT I’ve been hurt and I have the ability to shut off needs to protect myself.  I have an overactive mind and I see the world differently than others. Everything is visual. It’s overwhelming, especially when it never stops.

I have trouble making sense of the world and others. My mind does not pick up on subtle things or sarcasm, among many other things. Each bit of life is a puzzle piece. But somehow pieces are always missing. Their are almost always holes in the picture.

Some times I can figure out what the picture is based on what is available but not always. The reactions I get from others has pushed me away from asking. I choose to not get the facts, because of being shown it causes me more problems and scrambles that I already have. So the info is simply not worth it to me.

Yes this makes me feel low and stupid and yes it pushes me away from people. At this point in my life, I don’t give a fuck. I’m a visual person and I have a blindness. When people knownly keep pieces from me…. I make my own. My picture could end up looking telecom different when I fill in the picture with my own pieces that’s all I got… Nobody in this world give a fuck about sticking up for me. I have to stick up for myself. But again I don’t give a fuck…. If you wanted me to know the truth, you would have made it clear.

I have learned that those people in my life, will not give out pieces or they think its funny to throw mismatch piece for whatever reason.

I need the basic things. Feel wanted, needed, valuable to him. But I have to feel trust, loyalty, faithfulness, and respect in a greater dose.

When my balance of needs are off, I shut down. Before I would have went and got my needs but I figured out that it’s frowned upon do that. So instead of ‘cheating’ (which I do not see it as cheating when its unfair in my court… but whatever, its not right just the word sucks!) I choose to turn that need off.

So when he is not getting a need met. It’s because I’m not getting a need met. No it’s not a game. I could have played a game but instead I chose to turn the need off until it’s available again.

So what need is not being met? I’m not able to have a clear picture. I feel Déjà vu and my pictures still have holes. I’ve patched them and made sense of them to get where I am but anything further needs the actual picture.

Because my holes I have never been able to address the problems. Because of the holes their are still wounds. Because of the holes I can not grow any closer, I can not trust any further, I can not put fourth my all in something I can not see parts of. It reminds in a file in my head as unsolved. The file is large and it effects my performance.

I have my doubts about engagement. I do not feel enough trust. I’ve removed myself from the market before only to find out later he was still in the field. Assuming nothing changed and he wants me to but the same  ring on and accept the same-old same-old, showing me nothing changed. Well then I should relook my feelings then? Because if nothing changed. Then I guess I hate him. All of it just reminds me I’m not very worthy. Not worth of effort, not worthy of sacrifice, not worthy of truth, honestly, not worthy of a decent guy that can keep his tongue and penis to himself. Reminds me he does not value me and that he just controls what goes on without my say…. Reminds me I should run away as fast as I can.

Twisted of me. Maybe but that is the way I work. Remember I do not have to be with someone. I can be alone. Me being with someone is effort on its own. If a person can not deal with me then perhaps they are better off without me… I know I’m better off without someone like that.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m partial to blame. I control myself… its time for others to control themselves and stop playing a fucking pity card about something they are not getting because they can’t do something right. I’m not hard to please unless you are a liar, cheater, abuser, etc… and abuse comes in all shapes and forms…. you’d be surprised.

So while I was riding him I felt annoyed because he assumes things are the same and I FUCKING HATE THAT SAME, and that sameness reminded me of someone else the entire time I fucked you. Didn’t like it? Me neither…. notice the irritation…. Once I get to that point I typically turn off.

I BELIEVE HUMANITY EVOLVED WITHOUT A GOD

I believe humanity evolved without a god.

Hate me.

Funny ways for guys not to ask a woman to marry him.

STOP

Image

It’s time you stopped putting yourself down and started putting yourself first.

Promise Ring

Let’s take a trip down memory lane.

Several years ago… 9½ years ago to be exact.

I was walking around with a huge baby bump. My first baby girl was close to being born. [We’ll just call her, Lisa.]

My baby girl was conceived with my [former] love of my life. I say former because things did not go that way. . . He was a douche (in my eyes anyway) and hurt me when – he slept with another woman, breaking my heart into a million pieces.

Read the rest of this entry

Boundaries in Marriage

I have a Spiritual side within me. You will not hear this from me often as, I’m not religious. I do not believe in a higher being. But I do agree with the Bibles way of spelling out common sense as a guide book that makes the world a better place. This link explains a few of those important examples.

Most of us have no greater desire than a lifetime of love and commitment of the air, and onto the person with whom we share our life. We want to become one flesh with our spouse. This is what marriage is about:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, 
and shall cleave unto his wife: 
and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

Marriage is about love, care, need, and companionship of two people who overcome immaturity and selfishness in order to form something better than what each person alone can produce.Love is at the center of marriage, but love cannot grow without freedom and responsibility.When we are free to disagree, then we are free to love.If we are not, we live in fear and love dies. When we both take responsibility to do what is best for our marriage, then love can grow. If we don’t, then one of us will take too much responsibility and resent it and the other will not take on enough and become self-centered.

Blaming somebody else for our own behavior is a sign of great immaturity — and I say this although I am painfully aware of the fact that I fall into that trap myself more often than I want to. On the surface, it seems that we can get rid of the responsibility for our actions by blaming somebody else. But in reality we’re just denying ourselves the chance of getting help, because we don’t want to admit to ourselves and others that we failed. By putting the blame on our spouse, we hurt the person we love and who would be most willing to help us. But how can you help somebody who is not willing to accept ownership of the problem that needs to be solved?

The Misunderstood Child

My oldest child has autism, like me.
This sums up our troubles. . .

I am the child that looks healthy and fine.
I was born with ten fingers and toes.
But something is different, somewhere in my mind,
And what it is, nobody knows.

I am the child that struggles in school,
Though they say that I’m perfectly smart.
They tell me I’m lazy — can learn if I try —
But I don’t seem to know where to start.

I am the child that won’t wear the clothes
Which hurt me or bother my feet.
I dread sudden noises, can’t handle most smells,
And tastes — there are few foods I’ll eat.

I am the child that can’t catch the ball
And runs with an awkward gait.
I am the one chosen last on the team
And I cringe as I stand there and wait.

I am the child with whom no one will play
The one that gets bullied and teased
I try to fit in and I want to be liked,
But nothing I do seems to please.

I am the child that tantrums and freaks
Over things that seem petty and trite.
You’ll never know how I panic inside,
When I’m lost in my anger and fright.

I am the child that fidgets and squirms
Though I’m told to sit still and be good.
Do you think that I choose to be out of control?
Don’t you know that I would if I could?

I am the child with the broken heart
Though I act like I don’t really care.
Perhaps there’s a reason I’m made this way —
Some message I’m sent to share.

For I am the child that needs to be loved
And accepted and valued too.
I am the child that is misunderstood.
I am different – but look just like you.

~ Kathy Winters

Fake it? To make it?

tell-me-when-you-have-an-orgasm-funny-pictures[1]

Below are a few of my quotes that I found interesting while reading “Understanding orgasm” online at apa.org. You can read the entire article here:  http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/04/orgasm.aspx

“Most women at one time or another have faked it,”
– Katz’s Deli scene in “When Harry Met Sally” when Sally (Meg Ryan) 

Guilty! But why the hell do we do it? Most likely it’s the typical male ego response much like the one Sally (above) received.

“Well, they haven’t faked it with me,”
– Harry (Billy Crystal)

Poor fool!

Read the rest of this entry

Men: Love at first sight?!

According to Evan Marc Katz from evanmarckatz.com men typically determine if a women is do-able upon first glimps.  It’s purely physical and has little or nothing to do with the person within the sexy (or unsexy) body.

Men, regardless of relationship status, get a chemical high in seeing attractive women. – Evan Marc Katz

The male sex drive has nothing to do with kindness or personality or compatibility. It is entirely based on physical attraction, which we feel instantly with the release of dopamine, serotonin, and testosterone. This is why men can know if they would sleep with you in less than five seconds. – Evan Marc Katz

He also added that men will continue to like a particular type of women until he falls in love with someone else. For a period of a few years he will remain attracted to one women while he impregnates her and helps raises the child to toddler-hood.

Next, I’d like to assert that a man’s sexual tastes and feelings of attraction don’t disappear because he is in love with another woman.

His intense feelings for his girlfriend may lessen his desires to look elsewhere for sex. But once those intense feelings of chemistry go away (as they usually do after 18 to 36 months – just long enough to conceive and raise a young child), his attraction will still spike every time he sees an attractive woman, in some form or another. – Evan Marc Katz

 

He explained, that men have strong desires to be with other women once the child reaches a particular age… However, they’re capable of control the urges and can still be a good hubby or father if he aware of his self and the natural urges.

 

The more self-aware men understand this intellectually, and relegate those spikes of attraction to what they are – biologically programmed bursts of pleasure. We give ourselves doses of this pleasure when we’re walking on a beach, when we’re at an outdoor concert, when we’re at parties, and especially when we’re on the Internet….

 Men crave variety. This is normal. It’s all about whether he acts on this desire.

Men can admit attraction to favorite celebrities, and still be great husbands and fathers.

Men can watch porn, fantasize about other women, and still be great husbands and fathers.

Men can go to bachelor parties, go to a strip club, and still be great husbands and fathers. – Evan Marc Katz

Men were simply made to pollinate the world as much as possible but they also feel that a stable family is more important than having more children with several women. So men typically choose to keep their family jewels to a single women regardless of how they where wired.

Men, since the beginning of time, were designed to spread their seed.

Because monogamy lowers the chances that our genes will survive, men are not, by nature, monogamous creatures. We choose monogamy because we deem that it’s more beneficial to have love, stability, and a nuclear family than to have lots of children running around with our eyes. But make no mistake, monogamy is a choice, not a natural state. – Evan Marc Katz

So why do men cheat?

He’s got that explanation covered too.

His temptations out weigh the value of your relationship, he thinks he’s above the relationship law or that the rules do not apply to him. They put play with fire allowing themselves to get into situations that will tempt them often. They’d rather have the trill than their partner.

But he adds that men DO want love as well.

Simply put, men want love, too. Even if we still like to look elsewhere. – Evan Marc Katz

But are women programmed to want variety too?

Yes, we want variety too! However, we’re completely okay with the same ol’ guy….. just as long as he is able to give them the sexual variety they need.

Which explains why I get board…

Men would be perfectly content having missionary sex with a new woman every night.

Women would be perfectly content with the same man forever, as long as he mixed it up in the bedroom a bit. – Evan Marc Katz

You can read the articular here.