Let’s take a trip down memory lane.
Several years ago… 9½ years ago to be exact.
I was walking around with a huge baby bump. My first baby girl was close to being born. [We’ll just call her, Lisa.]
My baby girl was conceived with my [former] love of my life. I say former because things did not go that way. . . He was a douche (in my eyes anyway) and hurt me when – he slept with another woman, breaking my heart into a million pieces.
I made it clear that we broke up. I explored other options. I’m sure he probably was doing the same.
Homer (not his real name) was the first person I had sex with since I had my first child. [We'll just call him, Bart.] I didn't want to raise my 'number' and sleep around more than I had already. So after Bart was born I promised myself that I would keep my 'number' down by only have sex with one person... If it didn't work out, I'd have to then wait until AFTER I was married. That way only two would be added to my 'number!' Hey, respect that it was realistic!
After Homer broke my heart, we stayed friends. We became what people call friends with benefits.
I know stupid, right! But it was alright, I was angry and I would had just had fucked someone else in spit or rage. No – two wrongs don’t make a right but it sure can do wonders to make a broken heart feel better!
About six months deep into this new awkward friendship: I learned that I was expecting another baby. [Remember I already had one.]
This pregnancy sucked.
Upon finding out about the seedling growing inside we tried rekindle what we had before and hooked back up as a couple again. A few weeks in, I got crazy morning sickness. I had to tip-toe around people he knew and his family… he didn’t want them to know… Yet he wanted to drag me along with him… Um yeah, puking all the time. Big secret!
He never did break the news to his dad. His dad found out from a third-party congratulating him.
We were young, but we were not too young. Both of us were in our early 20’s.
He ended up continuing to live his life as the childless guy he’d always been, while I was left to fend for myself and deal with the consequences of being pregnant.
I found out that while I was pregnant (and we were together) he had contacted the girl he broke my heart with. As well as his ex-girlfriend and a few other women.
My mistake, I guess. I thought it was common sense to leave those people in the past however I guess he didn’t see it that way. Although he did but again he was a douche. Why? Because he hid it because he knew it was wrong. It it was not wrong he would’ve done it in front of me instead of tip toeing around. Once I found out, he confirmed his douche status by choosing to then lie and denied everything about it. Classy!
I can understand were the modern (adult-status) boys will act as he’s childless until the child feels real to him. But I cannot understand how a woman can carry a guy’s baby and he is carelessly elsewhere. That is ultimate low, degrading, disrespectful, scum, in my eyes anyway!
During this pregnancy he may have been the most thoughtless careless person I had ever met. I recalled leaving the doctors in tears on a few occasions. He wouldn’t come to appointments with me. I did make that known and I will give him credit that he did improve after I had after I let him know I expected him to come along on his days off. I should have been more suspicious because he would come along but he lacked empathy. He made fun of me with the asshole doctor about being hormonal and they laughed their asses off like I was just some stripper cunt whore that he accidentally knocked-up. They acted as if I was not even in the room while two men made fun of a woman. I was so hurt I switched doctors and could not even speak or look at Homer.
When I was about 7½ – 8 months along, I started freaking out because things were not ready… I had complications and a new major back problem. I was working few hours due to the complications and still trying to take care of my son who was clearly (unconditioned) Autistic at this time.
Homer then began acting as I was pregnant with his child! Yay! Around that time he helped pick up some of the slack. We went to babies R us and picked up the remaining items we needed and wanted. He bought an outfit that the baby could wear if it came a few days early and was here for Christmas. He had done so little I was grateful for any help at this point.Side Note: Guys it should NOT be this way… I should have not had to feel “grateful” because he finally made an effort. Men should not get away with a woman settling for less because that’s all she’s gonna get from him. That’s NOT GOOD ENOUGH and it should not require being acknowledged, as positive deeds… It’s rather insulting, to those men, who ARE THERE THE ENTIRE TIME, like a MAN should be. Men are the providers and protectors…. before, during, and after…. in life. Not just sometimes or just before… If you act like a man and get a woman pregnant… be a fucking MAN or at least do your best to pretend, until you get it right!
On Christmas Eve night (early Christmas), Homer insisted I open up his Christmas gift to me. I never like to open gifts early but he was set on me opening, so I did. He didn’t wrap it himself, he had his mom wrap it for him. Upon opening I noticed a bottle. Like an adult beverage bottle. My thoughts:
Um, really Homer, how fucking thoughtless… Did you want me to drink it tonight?! Last attempt at aborting the baby, right?!
He is laughing his ass off at me… Then he lets me know the seal was broken and he put water into the bottle to fool me.
😆 So now this means I get nothing!?! 😦
He tells me to open the little package… that’s inside the box.
I open it up and I see a beautiful sparkling diamond ring. And he grabs it and comes close to me getting down, close to me, and uttered some words about… promising me a great life, being there for me, and promises to be the great guy that I deserved. He said he was happy to be there with me and felt honored I was having his baby and that this ring should represent a promise to all of that and as a reminder that he’s being honest and faithful and the lies and heartache he brought me are a thing of the past. The big words never came out of his mouth asking me to be his wife.
OK I like the ring, it was perfect and beautiful. I loved what he said. I even respected his (slightly foolish) way of giving it to me being extremely pregnant and all. I happily put it on but I felt slightly insulted, although (like above) it was an overdue ‘effort’ I had yet seen… So I took it as something is better than nothing. Although I feel I was deserving of more. But thankful he didn’t think so or we’d be divorced! 😉
To me, it very much looked like an engagement ring. I always viewed like this: it looked like a status change when I had it on my hand. It was embarrassing to correct people’s assumptions of an engagement. It was like the promise ring took me off the market yet he did not commit to marrying me yet I looked as if I was engaged. It was like he had his cake and was eating it too. Not fair!Side Note: Men, if you have a girlfriend and she is pregnant with your child or she recently have birth to your child this note is for you. She has carried your baby and put her body through HELL as a result. A promise is assumed the moment she informs you she’s expecting and you are the father (unless she says otherwise). Giving her a formal ‘promise’ ring late into the pregnancy or after is a complete fucking insult to everything she has done for you. It makes you look like pathetic high school boy and confirms she made a poor choice when she dipped into your gene pool. Don’t do it or do it right and make a “real” promise to her. But don’t do that either if you don’t mean it….just don’t insult her with a fucking promise ring. (Unless that is something she would really like! Ask her best friend first or her mom… don’t just do it, seriously!)
Needless to say, I gave birth to our baby. A few months after I stumbled into the facts that I stated before… Cold heart-facts, proof, that he had been talking to the woman (the above part, I had suspected it when I was pregnant – but now its known). He talked to her while I was pregnant and he had contacted her recently as well. She knew all about the pregnancy and his less that pleasant view of it and me. This was when I found out about him talking to other women before and after the baby and the broken-promise promise ring.
He denied, denied, denied! Which hurt because unlike other people, in order to heal I needed to hear it. Even if it was raping my ear, I was stuck – without hearing it. Without hearing it, I visualized my own theory. It’s just how I work!
I said fuck it and started where I left off. I started seeing other people and made it known.
Homer didn’t like this and asked that I not tell him. So I didn’t. But just because I was not telling him – did not mean it was not happening.
I got things out of my system. My anger faded and my heart was healed by others although it was badly scared. When we moved a few months later, things were going good and he asked me to put the ring back on. So I did.
Another big mistake… It was not an engagement ring, still just a broken-promise promise ring. I believed it the promise and trusted him enough to try.
I was later fucked in the ass. This time, harder than ever.
Now I was stuck in debt far above breathing level. This was not me. I was really good with money. I always paid my bills on time. I work my ass off to keep my good credit that I had been working on since I was 15 years old. This ate me up inside and out.
He was talking to someone at his work. He was taking my credit card and maxed it out with promises to pay it off. When he stopped paying on it after it got so high and unmanageable he, killed my perfect credit. I was unable to leave. I was stuck with him and not able to work without them coming after all of my money.
Homer was talking to other women and complaining about me to them and friends. He was always in the basement and never around for me or Lisa. Lisa was shy around him, because she did not see him very much.
It was like the basement was his little bachelor pad and people were in and out all the time. I looked like the bad person for calling him out on not handling the mess he made irresponsibly of my credit and carelessly trapping me with him, while he moved on….
The broken-promise promise ring loop, happened a few more times before I was ready to throw the goddamn ring in the fucking lake. That ring was nothing but bad, his actions proved it was worthless and so was he!
Love grew faded, and quickly grew to hate. Hopes and dreams faded to blackness. The relationship sucked and I hated him and I hated the ring.
I looked in my jewelry box to end the cycle… and while I was getting the ring I stumbled on another. I pulled out the wedding band set my father gave to my mother. My mom divorced my asshole father years ago. She gave me the rings just before I was pregnant with Bart.
Back then, the rings were nothing more than rings… but after I viewed them as a reminder of what my mom and I went through. As a positive end to a time when an end was not in sight. My mom was able to move on and find happiness and I grew up, walked ahead never looked back.
I placed the ring (I wanted to throw in the lake) in the jewelry box next to my moms rings instead. It was a pretty ring, I’m sure my daughter will like to have it one day.
I latter realized that the ring was not a promise to me. [Note: this is my theory and thoughts, not his.] I do not think he loved me, like that anyway, and he listened to his gut and could not stomach getting married to me. But he knew it was expected of him in life (though it was not right) I think he really loved his baby girl, who was obviously growing in my belly and would be born any day. I think he really wanted her to have a mom and dad, like he had. I’m sure, he really wanted to be a man for his daughter.
I think the ‘promise’ he making, was more toward his daughter inside me, and not to me!
I hope to give this ring to my daughter, when she turns 13 years old, in a few years. I was 13 years old, when a ring like this would have been too late for me. I want Lisa to have a better life than I did.
I want Lisa to have the ring – as a purity ring. A reminder token, that her daddy & I love her. Lisa needs to know that too many men hurt women, just to have sex with them. She needs to respect herself… And that should someone break her heart they better have been worth it by wait until someone can treat her as good (or better) than her daddy could before letting them have access to her heart or body. When she looks at the ring she should be reminded of – the love her daddy has for her, since before she was even born!
I have made it clear to Homer, I hate the ring, as mine. But I protect it to serve as reminder to me until I give it to our daughter Lisa, in a few years.
Hopefully he will choose to give it to her, with me, and together we can bless the ring to have greater positive strength to watch over our little girl when we cannot. 🙂
Posted on August 27, 2013, in Me & Him, Past, Past Present Future, Thoughts and tagged Broken heart, Broken-Promise Promise Ring, Douche, Effort, Family, Friends with Benefits, Gift, Hurt, insulted, Lies, overdue effort, Past, Pregnancy, Pregnant, Promise, Promise Ring, Relationship, Ring, Sex, Tiptoe. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.