Once upon a time… venting online was an outlet for me. I never reveled who I was or left clues that could lead you to me. I spilled it all. I told the keyboard everything.
I was surprised to have over 1,000 regular followers leaving me feedback, rooting for me, giving me unwanted advice. Those strangers knew everything about me. More than anyone I faced day-to-day.
I never intended to have readers. I assumed I was boring and nothing entertaining could come about my day. I was so wrong! Lots of people found my drama filled day-to-day life and ranting’s helpful and entertaining.
I’m leaning more towards train wreak – you just can help but watch! But that’s how I roll. (Really though, train-wreak!) Shit was better than any soap opera you could watch on TV. Best of all, it was the flat out truth. My life fucking sucked fucking smelly donkey cock!
What are your needs?
For me something is missing. Something has always been missing.
What is it?
Well I’m not sure. However I’m sure I can pin point it if I dig enough.
I do know that something is missing. A feeling I’m not able to balance. A feeling of needing something, or needing more.
At times, I feel the urge to explore. I get board. I like routine. I like feeling secure. But something connects in my mind to wonder.
Well to flirt with someone. To chase after the newness. I love the feeling of been adored. I crave this feeling. A feeling that a man wants me and puts effort in chasing me. It’s a rush! Once he shows interest in someone else. He makes me jealous. Jealous that SHE is getting my attention. That she is prettier, or better than me. Is she sexier than me, more women than me. What can she do that I can not do? Questions like this beat me in the head. Maybe she’s not better than me. Maybe he turns right back to me. Nope. He lost me. It’s near impossible to get me back on the path once this happens.
Depending on how badly it stung.
I’ll kill his ego with silence. I’ll be there. He will see me. Maybe will want me still. Except do I know you? As I turn and carry on. Sending him the big message as Ha you can have me, you are not man enough to be my man, or your not man enough to keep me satisfied. Simply forgotten. 100% Blown the fuck off!
However if it stung me, I may play a game of cat and mouse. Not like before when we flirted. However he will likely think so. I have bumped up my game. I’m playing my big cards. Much like when we boost his man card and fake the big O. Disappointed and just want out of the awkward moment of his cock probing our pussy completely unpleasured.
I’m getting my lady-ego back and it’s filling up dangerously fast. My confident sours to dangerous levels, that other women has nothing on me now! My big move is approaching and I’m scooping out the fields.
Got it, I find a new target, rather fast. Guys can smell my urges. The other guy is my bait for the new guy. He will want me more knowing his more man than the other and can’t stand the though of me being with a lesser man. He will have the urge to take on the challenge of getting the girl and pleasing her better than the lesser man. He has upped his game and is highly focused on me. ME! ONLY ME! How hot, turns me on thinking about it! It’s animal talk people. Humans are animals!
Right about now the first guy will begin back at the first option…. Seeing me, really wanting me…. but not “really” having me, anymore. I’m physically there – but mentally it’s clear I’m not there.
I want to be with the other guy. I’m about to seal the deal and ‘snap out out of it’ of play it off like a ‘bad day.’
After all, I don’t want either tripping over their tale, yet anyway!
He comes back and really wants to pick me up. He misses the way it way before… except he gets slapped in the face by reality. My mind, my eyes, my soul is else where.
He’ll get a glimpse of the big catch. The fish that’s bigger and better… All the man he was and so much more. The fish is better looking, stronger, smarter, sexier, and best of all he’s mine, all mine.
So it makes me a bad word. It’s like when he looked at her. And I’m talking more here people…. not some guy I just met. I’m talking dawgs here. Men that want to tie us ladies up for themselves and wonder around sniffing other bitches. Did he really think another bigger, better, dog would come and sniff his tied up bitch, while he was out? Was his ego that damn big? Did he really believe he was all that of a man?
I find it humorous, that some men can think this way and call me a bad word.