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Hiccup, Bless You, Thanks.

Life full speed as an untreated Aspie is chaos at its best. I can be very A.D.D. like: I’m here, I’m there, catch me, catch me, if you please.

Fart. Burp. Sneeze.

Next.

Its simi-thought-out and serves a purpose. I may not always be able to tell you how it’s useful but to me it’s all useful if I cared enough to master or tackle the sparkly things that catch my eye.

My man friend or somewhat partner in crime likes to joke with me about sex or lack of sex once a month. He heard a joke from one of the Blue Collar Comedy men that included a bit about not closing the entire amusement park because one ride is not functioning and he stands outside the gate saying well the log ride works… So yeah he took the line and every month he asks, sort of jokingly, if the log ride is open. Well this month I took him for a ride. Not the ride he was expecting but I let him know that the part was not closed.

open

That’s right. I’m not broken. No maintenance was being performed. My ride was functioning perfectly fine, thank you.

WHAT! He exclaimed wondering why I had not started my period yet. I could hear the squirmy fear in his voice like, oh fuck are you pregnant?! Ahahaha on a side note: it’s fucking funny watching a guy squirm with that thought. Like they cared when they busted and it’s not like they are going to have anywhere near the consistences from it as, ahem , SHE would! Reason 4,286,978 why men suck! Joking, well… sort of.

Well I was on my period but a period is just part of everyday life for us. One week out of every fucking month we deal with it. Learning that I’m an Aspie, for lack of better term, has explained many why’s for me. One of those is why I have so many sensory issues. Like touch and taste which play a HUGE HUGE HUGE role in sex.

Well dear, I do not like the texture or taste that you cock leaves in my mouth. It also leaves my mouth and lips feeling itchy and somewhat hurts for lack of other words to explain. No offense to you. All cocks are yucky to me.

* I assume he will scratch his head and wonder why I have willingly done this in the past.*

Yes dear, just like every other thing I do… it was a process that involved me hyper focusing, researching, and really getting into my obsessive topic. I’m sorry you were just a temporary obsession…. Like every other topic, I got board and my true non-excited feelings flooded the fun and it became problematic once again.

You see I’m only in the mood to taste and feel your cock with my mouth when

I’M IN THE MOOD. It takes a lot and it’s pretty much rare like when the sun, moon, and stars line up, just so. It’s one of those take it or leave it things. So if I go down there, just be happy and enjoy while it lasts! Feeling forced or pressured makes me turned off – in other sexual ways. So that wouldn’t be wise. It would be one of those things I’d shut down for, you’d get once and never again, and wonder where I went and where the hell I took all the sex, ya know! 😉

So back on topic. Periods are not an out of order sign. I like to get off too. I’m okay with you not wanting to have sex when I’m on my period but to suggest I please you because I’m yucky is rather yucky too. It makes me feel like I need to watch my back and guard my heart. I feel like if I do it I’ll end up shutdown and both of us unhappy in the long run. Or I don’t… Then you stray off.

I’m sure its probably my past variances biting me in the ass for being on the spectrum and trusting people I should not have trusted. But to me it has to be complex and much deeper and better thought out for all the outcomes.

I don’t want him to not tell me things but to understand I’m all about pleasing him, when I can. I don’t want him to be uncomfortable, pleasing me. Which is a big thought for me that is not a natural human feeling it has been self tough and always takes me some self reminding to consistently keep. So I expect this in return, exotically since I’m aware this is a totally natural born with human trait he was born with. If I can do it then so can he! 🙂

So I can’t suck your cock today I can have sex with you. But you think its yucky!

I teased him after he said it was gross and questioned (jokingly) how the fuck he could be a man, play in mud, get all dirty and yucky and a little period could gross him out so much!

So he went to work and asked his friend. The following day he asked me if the log ride is open. Nope its not but the rest of the park is, I said. He looked sad and said he asked his friend at work about that.

And I give a fuck about your friend why? I’m not fucking him! 😛

He told me his friend said he would consider it if he was horny BUT probabl

y not in the bed or anything. He said for sure in the shower. My guy said he agreed but his woman wouldn’t do it in the shower, she (meaning me) only likes get in wash and get out.

OK this makes me laugh my ass off. So yeah its sort of true. I do get in, wash, and get out. Don’t we all?

I don’t know what thing… but its a thing. Its sameness an order, something about its not in the rules to do that, mixed with sensory issues. Sex in the shower is distracting in a bad way. My face gets wet and water in my eyes will bother me. I do not normally complain about these. I’m a grown up and it’s whining at my age to even say them… BUT at the same time I dislike them so much I avoid them at  all cost. I my showers and being wet need to be controlled or I’m physically unhappy and causing me to be mentally unhappy. How can I be sexually happy when so much unhappy is going on in the shower!?! It’s funny and pathetic but it is what it is!

Oh and my new hyper focus obsession, for now anyway, is RH negative blood type. Amazing!

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How young is too young? Can I get a confession in here…

Hey bloggity blog world, I have a question to ask you?!

At what age is too young to engage in sexual activity? What makes it too young? What makes it wrong, considering all involved are similar ages and consensual for both parties?

We all know the consequences from sex. What about adding a consequence into the mix. Do you still feel the same way?

Sex makes babies and giving a women has to decided what’s best for her and her body.. what happens when sex makes a baby? When is it too young? Life allows it to happen, it does not make it right, but what’s your thoughts on the porous of a young woman conceiving a child so young? Women typically can have a baby long before actually becoming a woman. In fact it seems that the female body is evolving to began the process of being able to conceive a child much sooner than in the past.

We (humans) live longer now you’d think since we no longer have to have a baby while still a baby our self. Life seems to mirrored things in the other direction.

I just wonder why? Why would life let become equipt to make a baby when we are so young still, when today we live much longer than ever before. Out bodies still not even fully grown and having the urges signaling the brain to make a child who is obviously larger in comparison to a woman who is older and better made to handle the obvious?

 

Third Date Home…. Run

I’ve had my head up my own ass for so long; I think I have lost touch with reality. My man and I have had our fair share of troubles and been on again off again for as long as we were, well, we…

There were a few times when we split up real good and I doubted we would patch things up… so I don’t think I’m so out of touch with the real single world. Although, I do have quirky ways and fail to give a shit about, um well, any other way.

Including this:

One two three… gimme some…

I notice that many dating people have a general ‘rule of thumb’ about getting laid.

Okay so it’s not 1920, people live longer, and choose to live life more freely. Most are going to school, so careers take top priorities.

The entire settling down thing, marriage and starting a family, happens much later than ever before.

So it’s understandable, almost everyone will not wait around for that, remain a virgin until they find a mate. After all we could be talking forty-something.

But I’m talking about those on the reverse end. Those who neither want to commit or wait. I hear the normal rule of thumb for guys to expect to get some from his lady acquaintance, is just mere 3 dates. How well could you know someone by three dates? Unless your dates are long vacations it’s likely not very well.

Just for the record, guys we like sex too!

However common sense says when you have sex with more than one person in a short time, they too are likely also having sex with more than one in a short time. Rinse and repeat. Then we are talking about more than just having sex with the whole damn team… I’m saying you’re getting laid with the whole fucking crowd.

And well, three’s a crowd. You can’t tell me one of those people watching the game isn’t infected with something… And it’s just about how well the condom was used (and is being about to be used)… and which obstacle-course did your partner go on to determine if the link occurred before or after her encounter.

Sex isn’t hott when it burns to pee. She’s not so pretty with the bugs in her snatch. Your nuts aren’t worth the extra boil you have next to your nuts.

I just can’t respect a man that cannot respect himself [or me] enough to get to know someone before expecting to sleep with someone. No matter how long that is…

And no, three dates is not enough time to get to know someone. Yes sometimes it happens, but these guys are seriously thinking hey this is the third date; I’m fixin to get some. Ick.

This means he expects it from every single date by the third date… and let’s face the truth here: A women that’s doable after just three dates is not doable wifey material to him. He’s just there for sex!

My advice to the third date home– runners is to stop playing the “game” where you win some, you lose some… and go ‘get some’ with the money you paid in dates (to pay for your non call girl) and seal the deal no-matter-what!

Really that’s all it’s about, you know it! You want some and you’re paying her slyly (in dates), assuming she wanted to share her time and cut of her [call girl] money hanging with your ass, assuming you will get your rocks off by the third date.

pepe-le-pew

Confessions

Last night, we had sex.

He’s the one that wanted to have sex. I was feeling dull in that area last night. The past week or two he’s been the one initiating the sex.

Not a big deal, I just been feeling a little odd or off with him. Last night I can tell he was wondering what the fuck, because I distant and it was not really enjoyful to me at all.

I can’t pin point exactly what the problem is… but I have a few clues.

First off, unlike others my needs (or lack of needs) are much different that others.

I’m human, I have needs. BUT I’ve been hurt and I have the ability to shut off needs to protect myself.  I have an overactive mind and I see the world differently than others. Everything is visual. It’s overwhelming, especially when it never stops.

I have trouble making sense of the world and others. My mind does not pick up on subtle things or sarcasm, among many other things. Each bit of life is a puzzle piece. But somehow pieces are always missing. Their are almost always holes in the picture.

Some times I can figure out what the picture is based on what is available but not always. The reactions I get from others has pushed me away from asking. I choose to not get the facts, because of being shown it causes me more problems and scrambles that I already have. So the info is simply not worth it to me.

Yes this makes me feel low and stupid and yes it pushes me away from people. At this point in my life, I don’t give a fuck. I’m a visual person and I have a blindness. When people knownly keep pieces from me…. I make my own. My picture could end up looking telecom different when I fill in the picture with my own pieces that’s all I got… Nobody in this world give a fuck about sticking up for me. I have to stick up for myself. But again I don’t give a fuck…. If you wanted me to know the truth, you would have made it clear.

I have learned that those people in my life, will not give out pieces or they think its funny to throw mismatch piece for whatever reason.

I need the basic things. Feel wanted, needed, valuable to him. But I have to feel trust, loyalty, faithfulness, and respect in a greater dose.

When my balance of needs are off, I shut down. Before I would have went and got my needs but I figured out that it’s frowned upon do that. So instead of ‘cheating’ (which I do not see it as cheating when its unfair in my court… but whatever, its not right just the word sucks!) I choose to turn that need off.

So when he is not getting a need met. It’s because I’m not getting a need met. No it’s not a game. I could have played a game but instead I chose to turn the need off until it’s available again.

So what need is not being met? I’m not able to have a clear picture. I feel Déjà vu and my pictures still have holes. I’ve patched them and made sense of them to get where I am but anything further needs the actual picture.

Because my holes I have never been able to address the problems. Because of the holes their are still wounds. Because of the holes I can not grow any closer, I can not trust any further, I can not put fourth my all in something I can not see parts of. It reminds in a file in my head as unsolved. The file is large and it effects my performance.

I have my doubts about engagement. I do not feel enough trust. I’ve removed myself from the market before only to find out later he was still in the field. Assuming nothing changed and he wants me to but the same  ring on and accept the same-old same-old, showing me nothing changed. Well then I should relook my feelings then? Because if nothing changed. Then I guess I hate him. All of it just reminds me I’m not very worthy. Not worth of effort, not worthy of sacrifice, not worthy of truth, honestly, not worthy of a decent guy that can keep his tongue and penis to himself. Reminds me he does not value me and that he just controls what goes on without my say…. Reminds me I should run away as fast as I can.

Twisted of me. Maybe but that is the way I work. Remember I do not have to be with someone. I can be alone. Me being with someone is effort on its own. If a person can not deal with me then perhaps they are better off without me… I know I’m better off without someone like that.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m partial to blame. I control myself… its time for others to control themselves and stop playing a fucking pity card about something they are not getting because they can’t do something right. I’m not hard to please unless you are a liar, cheater, abuser, etc… and abuse comes in all shapes and forms…. you’d be surprised.

So while I was riding him I felt annoyed because he assumes things are the same and I FUCKING HATE THAT SAME, and that sameness reminded me of someone else the entire time I fucked you. Didn’t like it? Me neither…. notice the irritation…. Once I get to that point I typically turn off.

Fake it? To make it?

tell-me-when-you-have-an-orgasm-funny-pictures[1]

Below are a few of my quotes that I found interesting while reading “Understanding orgasm” online at apa.org. You can read the entire article here:  http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/04/orgasm.aspx

“Most women at one time or another have faked it,”
– Katz’s Deli scene in “When Harry Met Sally” when Sally (Meg Ryan) 

Guilty! But why the hell do we do it? Most likely it’s the typical male ego response much like the one Sally (above) received.

“Well, they haven’t faked it with me,”
– Harry (Billy Crystal)

Poor fool!

Read the rest of this entry

Men: Love at first sight?!

According to Evan Marc Katz from evanmarckatz.com men typically determine if a women is do-able upon first glimps.  It’s purely physical and has little or nothing to do with the person within the sexy (or unsexy) body.

Men, regardless of relationship status, get a chemical high in seeing attractive women. – Evan Marc Katz

The male sex drive has nothing to do with kindness or personality or compatibility. It is entirely based on physical attraction, which we feel instantly with the release of dopamine, serotonin, and testosterone. This is why men can know if they would sleep with you in less than five seconds. – Evan Marc Katz

He also added that men will continue to like a particular type of women until he falls in love with someone else. For a period of a few years he will remain attracted to one women while he impregnates her and helps raises the child to toddler-hood.

Next, I’d like to assert that a man’s sexual tastes and feelings of attraction don’t disappear because he is in love with another woman.

His intense feelings for his girlfriend may lessen his desires to look elsewhere for sex. But once those intense feelings of chemistry go away (as they usually do after 18 to 36 months – just long enough to conceive and raise a young child), his attraction will still spike every time he sees an attractive woman, in some form or another. – Evan Marc Katz

 

He explained, that men have strong desires to be with other women once the child reaches a particular age… However, they’re capable of control the urges and can still be a good hubby or father if he aware of his self and the natural urges.

 

The more self-aware men understand this intellectually, and relegate those spikes of attraction to what they are – biologically programmed bursts of pleasure. We give ourselves doses of this pleasure when we’re walking on a beach, when we’re at an outdoor concert, when we’re at parties, and especially when we’re on the Internet….

 Men crave variety. This is normal. It’s all about whether he acts on this desire.

Men can admit attraction to favorite celebrities, and still be great husbands and fathers.

Men can watch porn, fantasize about other women, and still be great husbands and fathers.

Men can go to bachelor parties, go to a strip club, and still be great husbands and fathers. – Evan Marc Katz

Men were simply made to pollinate the world as much as possible but they also feel that a stable family is more important than having more children with several women. So men typically choose to keep their family jewels to a single women regardless of how they where wired.

Men, since the beginning of time, were designed to spread their seed.

Because monogamy lowers the chances that our genes will survive, men are not, by nature, monogamous creatures. We choose monogamy because we deem that it’s more beneficial to have love, stability, and a nuclear family than to have lots of children running around with our eyes. But make no mistake, monogamy is a choice, not a natural state. – Evan Marc Katz

So why do men cheat?

He’s got that explanation covered too.

His temptations out weigh the value of your relationship, he thinks he’s above the relationship law or that the rules do not apply to him. They put play with fire allowing themselves to get into situations that will tempt them often. They’d rather have the trill than their partner.

But he adds that men DO want love as well.

Simply put, men want love, too. Even if we still like to look elsewhere. – Evan Marc Katz

But are women programmed to want variety too?

Yes, we want variety too! However, we’re completely okay with the same ol’ guy….. just as long as he is able to give them the sexual variety they need.

Which explains why I get board…

Men would be perfectly content having missionary sex with a new woman every night.

Women would be perfectly content with the same man forever, as long as he mixed it up in the bedroom a bit. – Evan Marc Katz

You can read the articular here.